Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
