i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
