If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
