I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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