she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
