Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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