Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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