Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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