I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
