allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
