Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
