She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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