In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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