I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize