i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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