Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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