I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
