OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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