well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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