i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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