Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
