So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
