Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she told me i tasted like america
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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