i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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