he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
