I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
