Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
