fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
