I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
