Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
