I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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