She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
