When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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