he thought i was a dude.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
