dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
