I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
