Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
