Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
