i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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