I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
