i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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