Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Houston, we have a squirter
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
