A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
