my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
