we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
