I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
