I got chris browned last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
