My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
