you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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