I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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