Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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