Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
