Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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