I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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