Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
