you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
