:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
