bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
