I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
