I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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