She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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