i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
