i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
