Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
