Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
