It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize