Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
