I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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