im holly from the hills drunk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
